By Coach Colle Davis

shocked2Shocking news: The most important person in every conversation is the other person and NOT YOU.

How important are you are to the other person? (Include your spouse in your consideration to this question.)

How important is your product, service or concern to them?

SPOILER ALERT: Nothing you say is important to them because they are only interested in what they want or what they have to say.

You may be thinking, “But Coach Colle, what I have to offer is valuable and I’m trying to sell them what I have.”

My response, “Yes. It’s valuable to YOU, but it doesn’t hold the same value to THEM.”

  • Try this: When you speak to someone, see their face with a spotlight shining brightly on it the entire time. Your ONLY job is to listen to them with rapt attention and great care to see if there is a way you can help them reach their outcomes and leverage your resources at the same time.

illustration of cartoon businessman with spotlight winner in success concept

  • What do you need to keep this conversation going? FOCUS on them, their needs, their tonality, their biases, their stated outcomes and they will tell you what they want and need in great detail.

Yes, you’re right it sounds impossible. You, your product or service or whatever is important to you, but NOT TO THEM, unless they allowed you to be in their presence.

Coach’s Note: Reframe every situation to fit the following parameter: Once a person has agreed to talk to you the only reason you are there is to work out the details of delivery of your product or service. If they allow you to talk to them there is a need for what you are offering. They are there to BUY from you, not to be sold.

Placing them in the spotlight moves the conversation from selling to delivery. Sales are lost because the sales person talks too much and focuses on the sale of the product, not the delivery.

Researching your mark, errrrr, I mean buyer, is critical. Make sure to be up to date on their world. Use the Internet to see who they are, what their company does and as much about them as you can before engaging in a conversation. “Tell me, who are their generals?” said Napoleon the ‘winningest’ general of his time. He studied every general’s tactics so he could defeat them at their own game.

piratePicture them dressed as a happy pirate or put dollar signs floating around their head, or see them in old clothes, or naked, or whatever it takes to focus only on them and their needs. Your career, income and happiness are vested in the person you are talking with at that moment. Make them the center of your life during the interaction. They will make your life different in untold ways, all to your benefit if you listen to them.

  • Practice intense focusing on family, friends, coworkers and complete strangers. Use the few minutes of interaction time to find out about them and how they make decisions or buy anything, and ask them specifically how they want your product/service delivered. The cold truth is they want to talk and if you listen, they will give you the exact specifications for the delivery.
  • Your job is reaching an agreement on the specifics of the delivery and then leaving. The order is now in play and you are under orders to leave. Time spent after receiving the details of delivery increases the probability of killing the sale or saying something stupid. Leave quickly after agreements are reached so the order stays intact and lets them feel it was all their idea.


Here is the exception or opposite of focusing on the other person. When you do not want to interact with them or they have no intention of buying your offering just move your focus away from them. Mumble your responses. Turn your body further away from them. Step back and do not look at them. These responses reduce rapport. We call it being on the edge of rapport and the effects impact anyone who is half awake. If you receive no response from them, walk away. They are not worth your time and effort.

  • Define what you want for an outcome before you engage in a conversation and your winning average will increase faster than you can imagine. Tiny changes in behavior pay huge dividends in rewards.

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